


Always darkest before the dawn

by PatronOfTheDenial



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 05:25:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6106321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatronOfTheDenial/pseuds/PatronOfTheDenial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>inspired by that one tumblr post that goes 'let's spend our nights eating cereal on the floor when there is a perfectly fine table behind us'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always darkest before the dawn

You'd think that when one goes to grab a glass of water in the middle of the night, his best friend crouched on the floor is not the sight he expects to be greeted with. And in fact, Phil didn't. But you'd also think that it would leave him utterly confused, and this wasn't Phil's case.

Dan was sitting on the kitchen floor, his back against the wall, his knees pressed to his chest and his head buried in his lap. Surprisingly, the first thing Phil wondered about in that exact moment was not why he was there, but how an adult man over six feet tall could manage to look so small and fragile and breakable.

“I know what you're going to say” Dan mumbled, his voice muffled by the fabric he was hiding himself behind.  
“I'm sure you don't” shook his head Phil, mainly because he didn't really have an intention of saying anything in the first place. There was nothing he could have asked, or at least no question Dan was in the mood to answer. He had seen him like this before. Maybe not _exactly_ like this _,_ but from time to time Dan would get upset about something, even trivial, and spend some hours alone, doing nothing but thinking.

Phil had realized long ago that whenever he noticed it, Dan would get even more uncomfortable. So he kept it for himself. Phil was good at keeping things for himself, when people didn't want them to hear them out loud.

“So” Dan raised his head. He uselessly tried to flatten his hair with his fingers, but the curls stuck out in every direction regardless of his efforts. Phil subconsciously mirrored the motion. He looked tired, and young. Dan was very good at making people forget how young he really was. With his straightened hair, and his black clothes and his confident language he was able to persuade anyone into thinking what he wanted. “you aren't going to ask me what I'm doing here?”  
“You don't want to talk, and that's fine.”

Phil knew that. He could tell by the way Dan's shoulders relaxed at his words. He could tell by Dan's eyes, distant, submerged in some far reality he wasn't currently a part of. He could tell because he would have hated himself if he couldn't.

He wished he could do more than just uselessly stand there but he had to admit to himself he didn't know how.

Dan nodded and looked up to the ceiling, still, focused like it held the answers to some sort of question he hadn't even asked.

Phil sat next to him quietly. The floor was cold against his skin but the warmth of Dan's body next to him made up for it. It's a tricky thing to offer comforting and to leave space at the same time, he thought, like drunkenly walking through a house of glass, one step away from shattering it all and to get hurt in the process.

“Go back to sleep, Phil” Dan muttered without looking at him. He dragged the words tiredly, as he was saying them because he was forced to. Phil didn't move.

“You don't have to stay, really.”

Another statement he mumbled without any conviction. _Are you really blind enough to think I could ever leave you?_  
The thing about Dan was that he couldn't help seeing himself as an inconvenience. He had always to make sure everyone was content before thinking of his own well being. He coped with his insecurities through self depreciating jokes, but they only raised higher walls between him and the rest of the world. He spoke about himself in that fleeting way, typical of who is used not to be listened carefully, who judges his words a burden to get quickly rid of. Phil understood it was probably because no one made him feel like his words were worth listening. It was ironic how he could keep millions of people locked to their screens with his videos but wasn't as eager to speak with someone who could actually answer.

Phil reached for Dan's hand, intertwining their fingers. His hand was cold and smooth.

As an answer Dan slowly rested his head on Phil's shoulder. Phil loved when that happened, it was such a familiar gesture. It was natural, spontaneous, Dan always used to do it when he was tired or sad and Phil unrealistically hoped they could stay like that forever.

While watching Dan, so close, so tangible, Phil thought back to their first skype calls, when all he wanted to do was to lean in into the screen and kiss him, but obviously couldn't. He thought about how easy it would have been in that moment, no longer thousands of kilometers (and two screens), but only a few inches separating them. A second was enough to cover the distance.  
Dan must have noticed him staring, because he turned his head, making Phil feel instantly exposed, guilty of his thoughts.

“You know what?” Phil's breath caught in his throat “I think I'm a bit hungry.” Phil heard himself laughing. _How did I end up here._

“Cereal?” he offered as Dan nodded “It's close to breakfast time anyway” he joked as he sat up and went to fill two bowls.

“You mean for normal, healthy people. Breakfast time for us doesn't start 'till” Phil turned around and saw Dan glance at the square black clock hung on the wall “well, a lot of time.”  
“Shut up, our lives are perfectly normal.”

“Don't you wish they were sometimes?”

“Do you?”

“I don't know. My brain never answers a question the same way twice. It drives me insane, to be honest. You know, sometimes I doubt every choice in my life.” He said it in a tone so light you could have been fooled into thinking he was telling you a fun fact.

There was a question Phil didn't want to ask. Actually, he did want to ask it, but he didn't dare to hear the answer. Sometimes you can feel that there are truths you'd rather not know, because otherwise they'll cling to your skin and steal your breath and never leave your mind. But the worst thing is that you can't help but find out. “Do you feel like that about us, too? I mean- us as in- our-” our what? Friendship? Sure they were friends but it was a somehow reductive definition.  
“What? No, no Phil, of course not. You're the one thing I'm sure of.”

“Really?” Phil felt stupid, because of course he and Dan cared about each other, that was implicit, but hearing it out loud always made his stomach twist and his lips smile stupidly and his thoughts go all over the place.  
“Phil, it's _my_ job to question the obvious here, you should definitely be more convinced.” Phil put down the bowls and sat down, not trusting his body to be steady.

“Also, you should keep me sane.”

“Me?” Phil made a doubtful expression

“Yeah, you. You have it all figured out.” Phil sighed.

“Nobody 'has it all figured out'”

“You always look like you do.” Dan repositioned himself in order to be looking even more directly at Phil. I _f you only knew_ “I've never seen you actually panic.”

“What if I was just a professional pretender?”

“Then you'd have to teach me.” Dan answered in a challenging tone.

Phil couldn't ignore how much closer they has gotten even if he tried. He was extremely aware of every movement.  He was also very aware he had stopped breathing about two minutes ago.  _Oh, whatever._ He had the time of thinking before his lips touched Dan's. Admittedly that wasn't a very smart move, but now, with Dan's hand on his neck and Dan's lips on his and Dan, just Dan, so close, he wasn't thinking straight. “I'm panicking now” he exhaled, once separated, realizing he was. Dan grinned.  _Is he laughing at me?_ “Please say something or I'll start freaking out. Really, we can forget about thi-” Dan shut him up with a quick kiss. “I made Phil Lester panic.” he bragged with a smug expression.

“I hate you”

“No you don't”

“Okay I don't” He adjusted his glasses, on his still flushed face. “How did you get here anyway?”

“See, I knew it! You _did_ want to ask me that!” Dan exclaimed triumphantly. “Anyway, I originally came here because I was hungry and long story short I got distracted in the process.”

“I was waiting for the plot twist.”

“No plot twist, I just got too carried away to eat. Twice.” He added glancing at the still untouched food on the floor.

“Oh, that's my fault.”

“You can distract me anytime Phil.” He knew Dan was purposefully cheesy, but his honest smile was worth it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this wasn't supposed to be so cheesy but my hand kinda slipped there, so yeah, there you go (what's wrong with me)  
> btw thanks for reading


End file.
